We are living in the future

So the anonymous commenter is probably one of my many many stalkers or perhaps merely one of the throng who tirelessly follow my every move. Obviously it wasn't anyone especially close to me as those special people received hourly updates throughout the night of the great storm. While I had prepared myself to suddenly find myself catapulted to the previous century where all the modernities that make life so easy were ripped away by the powerful winds of a devastating hurricane, the reality was quite different. I have a laptop, my internet connectivity was not interrupted, and I have an inverter so my faithful companion, Rocky, was able to supply whatever power I required.

I will let you know a little secret. I was compiling my list of people to keep informed of my status, and just when I had it all together, and was compiling my initial missive, someone, who--and I think while this description has specific relevance, its actually a descriptor that could be used as a complete summary of this person who I am trying to otherwise be non-specific about, even though it is, as it must be, a male--was not on the list, interrupted me. This person asked very sweetly if I was adequately prepared and seemed genuinely relieved that I would not be going through the storm alone. I say sweetly because his query just showed how very little he seems to know about anything at all. As if I were ever alone. A person like me is only alone when I want to be, and even then it can sometimes be impossible. I mostly just smile sweetly and nod while I'm drifting away in my own little world. Except when I'm talking to you. Of course, I'm paying attention then, sweetheart.

Anyway, the main point here is that I included this individual in my private mailing because he caught me off guard. And in retrospect, I don't appreciate being caught off guard. So, my message to this individual is: you will receive no further communication from me. Starting now.

Last Telegraph

The rain has started here, though just little splotches now. It seems odd that a couple of weeks ago, the National Guard was ferrying me from danger and now, the official word is not to flee but to brace ourselves for a vicious onslaught of wind and rain. It was Rita in 2005 the last time we had a bad one, and this is looking worse, a more direct hit on Houston.

Several of you have promised prayers. Of course, I welcome them, but it seems somehow unnecessary as if some higher being is going to hear your prayers before he hears mine.

Anyway, I'm certain that there are a team of utility workmen standing by for the express purpose of restoring my power once the all clear is given, but in case there are unforeseen delays, I wanted to let you know not to worry, or at least not anymore than is humanly possible, because of course, if my contact with you is severed you will probably feel as if it was an important body part that has been cut off, and you really can't forestall that feeling, so my advice is just to ride it out and know that you are not alone in your agony, unless of course it does happen to be my time, in which case you are absolutely all alone, and I would totally understand if you have to fall on your sword or whatever you are using for home defense just to somehow be closer to me, even though you won't really achieve that because once I leave the corporeal plane of existence, I'll probably be on some higher plane unachievable by mere mortals, so on second thought, don't fall on your sword, just try to eke out whatever kind of empty life you can in a world without me, which by the way, probably won't even happen.

Honestly, a world without me. Can you even imagine such a thing?

Shame on every last one of you.

Where is the adulation to which I've become accustomed? Was yesterday not the greatest day in the calendar year? Maybe you were hunkering down for a hurricane that wound up falling flat. Maybe you were in the middle of some sort of Labor Day Weekend escape. Maybe you think my facebook page is the place where I conduct my business now, and is therefore the suitable place to share your wishes of happiness for me.

I had to leave Louisiana as the National Guard was under specific orders not to let a National Treasure be anywhere near danger. I suppose its possible that what happened is that the months and months that go into planning a party for me were foiled by the catastrophic threat, and the balloons, and flowers, and fireworks, and ice sculptures, and carnival rides, and unique spectacles for which experts in their respective fields have scoured the globe all for my pleasure, were just too much to relocate on short notice. Yes, that must be it.

Well as magnanimous as I am, I will grant forgiveness for sizeable donations.