Comando Everyday

I'm a ball roller. A number of you probably knew that already. If there is a ball around, and I determine that it needs rolling, I'm willing to roll up my sleeves and put my shoulder to it. Sometimes people think a ball will just get rolling on its own, as if some unseen mystical force with no known mode of operation can just grab ahold of something and move it. Its called inertia, people. I know you've completely forgotten your high school physics, but the general interpretation of Newton's first law is that an object at rest stays at rest, and an object in motion stays in motion. So, to explain it clearly, there is a ball, and it is at rest, until I come into contact with it. Then through sheer force of will, I put it into motion. And once its in motion, do you know what happens to it? It stays in motion.

Sometimes Newton's third law comes into play. Namely that some other particle, that is to say, you my gentle readers exert a force on, in this case, the ball. Is your force as strong as mine? Of course not. You are just a particle. I can prove it with the mathematics. That's what the second law is all about, but frankly, that proof is a bit beyond the scope of this article, which is mainly concerned with the first law, the ball rolling.

The ball in this particular article is the blackhole trip for 2008. I've selected possible destinations, and while they are by no means the only places we might go, since I've selected them, they might as well be.

They are:
1. Las Vegas - In English, "The Vegas" is well known as the height of American culture.
2. Cedar Point - Located in Sandusky, Ohio, this theme park is the mecca for roller coaster enthusiasts who can tolerate being in Ohio.
3. Germany - Most right thinking people hate the French. This is the only nation to ever actually do anything about it. They also have sausage.
4. San Francisco - In English, "San Diego's father" is a mecca for rice enthusiasts. Also, there is a bridge.
5. Orlando - I don't really want to go here. They have a mouse infestation, but five destinations sound better than four.

I think we can all agree that the ball is irrefutably in motion.

With Teeth

A long time ago I knew a boy. I'll call him G. Deist. No, that's too obvious. Greg D. Even though he was madly in love with me, I really couldn't have anything to do with him. He was a simple boy of simple pleasures, which can be summarized in one word-mayonnaise, who perhaps was scarred for life when I rejected him. While he isn't listed in any credits, I have it on good authority that this is in no small part, his project.

Now, occurrences such as these--that is, artwork of an insane mind, unleashed upon the public, by men undoubtedly consumed by their obsession with, lets just say me--beg the question: am I driving men mad with lust, or are they predisposed to their conditions. I think this question probes at the very nature of man. Is man predisposed to insanity, or is his mind simply incapable of fully comprehending great beauty?

Sadly, I am able to contribute little to this inquest. In the first place, I don't understand the first thing about men's minds and to be perfectly honest, I've always thought their minds were getting a bit too much credit in the decision making process if you know what I mean, and I think that you do, so I will not be crude and say it specifically because no one wants to read that, although its possible the fact that I've gone on about it so long makes little difference, because if you hadn't thought about it, I've certainly brought quite a bit of attention to it now and its probably the only thing you'll be thinking about for the next few minutes.

Let's all applaud young Greg. You certainly have an imagination, sir!