Treat
Oh, dear, the phone has been absolutely vibrating off the desk. I let slip one little detail of my privileged life in my journal, and suddenly major news organizations are harassing me for details to elaborate on their breaking news. I can't possibly answer all the inquiries, so I'll just say it here: if she can't be bothered to make millions off of it, then I can't be bothered to violate her trust in me. Of course, I can't speak for the other six, but I already feel absolutely horrible that I may have overstepped the bounds of modesty just by sharing the fact that of course she would continue writing for people like me.
In other news, my Halloween costume went over like gangbusters. There was a small glitch when after perhaps a few too many drinks I decided it would be funny to scream loudly "UFO's do not exist" and then punch out someone I was certain was dressed as Dennis Kucinich, but turned out to be a young child dressed as an elf, which I only discovered after searching the lifeless body for a pocket copy of the constitution, failing to find it, and screaming "Unauthentic!" while his horrified parents begged for mercy. I'm just going to come right out and take all the blame for that one. I really don't know what came over me, except to say that in my head, it was exactly the sort of surreal frightening experience that will make this year's Halloween memorable. So, in a way, I should also take all the credit for it. You are welcome.
When I finally alighted home, I was in no mood to hear from my man servant that attendance at my door had been low. Previously, I had planned to serve cake to deserving visitors, but my man servant felt that traditional candy was more in order. I instructed him to spare no expense and that I wanted to hand out skittles and starbursts, favorites of my childhood. Although the appeal of full sized packages can not be denied, he assured me that I was much better off buying 5lb bags of miniatures and just handing out more. Well, given the low turn out, now I have my body weight in candy barely contained in a trash receptacle purchased expressly for the purpose.
In other news, my Halloween costume went over like gangbusters. There was a small glitch when after perhaps a few too many drinks I decided it would be funny to scream loudly "UFO's do not exist" and then punch out someone I was certain was dressed as Dennis Kucinich, but turned out to be a young child dressed as an elf, which I only discovered after searching the lifeless body for a pocket copy of the constitution, failing to find it, and screaming "Unauthentic!" while his horrified parents begged for mercy. I'm just going to come right out and take all the blame for that one. I really don't know what came over me, except to say that in my head, it was exactly the sort of surreal frightening experience that will make this year's Halloween memorable. So, in a way, I should also take all the credit for it. You are welcome.
When I finally alighted home, I was in no mood to hear from my man servant that attendance at my door had been low. Previously, I had planned to serve cake to deserving visitors, but my man servant felt that traditional candy was more in order. I instructed him to spare no expense and that I wanted to hand out skittles and starbursts, favorites of my childhood. Although the appeal of full sized packages can not be denied, he assured me that I was much better off buying 5lb bags of miniatures and just handing out more. Well, given the low turn out, now I have my body weight in candy barely contained in a trash receptacle purchased expressly for the purpose.
2 Comments:
You have 175 lbs of candy?
I never. I don't even want to begin speculating about what you are trying to say. You are many 5lb bags off on your estimate though.
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