Life 2: The Unhappy Ending

A few of the Apple fanboys in my audience, hesitant to disturb me in my period of mourning, have been unable to contain themselves, so I may as well confess here since it was announced today, that yes, I do have an iPhone 3G. As usual, Stephen wouldn't dream of putting a product out without incorporating my feedback. I know many of you have not even yet made the proper life altering choice of possessing an iPhone 1.0, so any review I have to share is a bit like reviewing a calculator for people who don't know how to count, isn't it? No, no, I'm not saying you can't count. Of course you can. Don't be silly.

Personally, I can barely get past Stephen insisting on a 'v.' Really, the world is being changed by a Steve? I shudder just to see it in print by my own hand. Lets do everyone with any sensibilities at all a favor and refer to you exclusively as Stephen. Just be glad I'm not insisting on Stefan. Maybe you feel its too late to change, or that it will appear a bit too nouveau riche. Darling, you're a billionaire. Just change it. No one will think any worse of you.

As for the 'threeg' as the engineers have taken to calling it, I'd say the most disappointing thing is the plastic back. Of course, I had them make a metal back especially for me. Also, 3G isn't so great. Twice as fast as slow as shit is still pretty slow.

The applications are nice, but I really don't know what will be made available to the public. Of course I enjoy some most favored evaluator status, or however Stephen puts it, so I'm fairly certain the applications I'm using are being written exclusively for me. I'm sure most people will be eager for the TomTom software, but the ThomasThomas I use with priority traffic routing and exclusive points of interest can hardly be made available to everyone, or else those features are somewhat meaningless, aren't they?

Well, as sweet as Stephen's threeg is, it can't take away my heartache. So, what good is it at all?