An Open Letter to Whoever Runs the Equipment at the Dairy that supplies Milk to my Grocery Store
You probably don't get a lot of communication. Most of the time, you just do your job and people take it for granted. Well, this week you didn't do your job. And now you're going to hear about it.
Let me introduce myself. I am the consumer. I purchase your product. I am the reason you have a job. I buy a lot of milk. Not for consumption. Heaven's no. That's disgusting. Its a time honored beauty secret to regularly soak in milk, and I do. Not every bath, just once a week. I like to bathe in skim milk. Its thin, yet contains the same curative powers as the other grades. It doesn't leave the same sort of milk fat residue. It takes a lot of milk to do this, so I buy a lot of milk, far more than the average consumer.
This week, I was shocked to discover that the milk in the skim milk container was not, in your parlance, skimmed. I could tell immediately it was not skim. It was significantly whiter, like the Elmer's glue they actually use in Cereal commercials for the cameras and the fact that it is too thick to make the cereal soggy. I could tell immediately as I poured it out and noticed its creamier texture. Gallon after gallon, all the incorrect kind of milk. No, I don't know what kind of milk it is. I don't think its whole milk as I didn't quite float it, but it has some percentage of milk fat in it uncountably times more than than the zero I was promised when I selected skim. Did you think I could not know?
Maybe you are one of these activists. You think 2% is better and the skim drinkers of the world who are depriving themselves of the 2% in an attempt to achieve nourishment without corresponding calories need a little dash of milk fat in their lives. That if they are exposed to the product they will like it so much they will switch, and it will somehow vindicate your feelings that what you like is the correct thing to like and everyone should like what you like. Probably, you are smugly thinking, "You're welcome."
Well, I did not say thank you. I am not saying thank you now. I am demanding your job be sacrificed. What if I were one of the children with an allergy to milk fat but without the discerning eye I possess? What then? How many children are hospitalized, and dead because of your malfeasance? Probably unemployment is insufficient punishment. Probably some kind of trip to the dark corners of Dick Cheney's mind is justified.
You did not get away with it like some bitter waiter who puts alcohol in the drinks of customers who insist on virgin ones because they are sobered alcoholics and they know that is the secret phrase to get alcohol without the judgmental visages of their friends and as long as they keep silent they can pretend like their sense of taste is so dull that they don't even know, even though that sweet nectar is a blessed release and they show you the gratitude you require with an overgenerous tip which you crumple in your sweaty palm, while muttering, "You're welcome."
You did not get away with it like the same bitter waiter who leaves hidden meat in the dishes of customers who insist on them without because they are pompous vegetarians and love to believe that their chosen path, for religious reasons, or otherwise somehow makes sense in the evolutionary path of mankind all the while believing it somehow makes them a better person, lauding it over their less enlightened friends, insisting that there is nothing, no taste at all missing from their lives, because their dish is just exceptional, perfect even without the meat that is actually there, and they don't tip well, because after all they are sanctimonious vegetarians, and they think their smile and some zen koan of appeasement is of much more value but you know better because you've taught them a lesson they will never learn, but was really nothing more than as before, complete inaction on your part, passing on the very least information possible to fulfill the order.
You are just a lazy fool, which is why you have the job that you do and can never even aspire to something better.
And now with this letter, your employer will more than likely remove even this humble task from your possible aspirations, leaving you nothing, which is what you have made of the raw materials given unto you that we call life.
Good day.
Let me introduce myself. I am the consumer. I purchase your product. I am the reason you have a job. I buy a lot of milk. Not for consumption. Heaven's no. That's disgusting. Its a time honored beauty secret to regularly soak in milk, and I do. Not every bath, just once a week. I like to bathe in skim milk. Its thin, yet contains the same curative powers as the other grades. It doesn't leave the same sort of milk fat residue. It takes a lot of milk to do this, so I buy a lot of milk, far more than the average consumer.
This week, I was shocked to discover that the milk in the skim milk container was not, in your parlance, skimmed. I could tell immediately it was not skim. It was significantly whiter, like the Elmer's glue they actually use in Cereal commercials for the cameras and the fact that it is too thick to make the cereal soggy. I could tell immediately as I poured it out and noticed its creamier texture. Gallon after gallon, all the incorrect kind of milk. No, I don't know what kind of milk it is. I don't think its whole milk as I didn't quite float it, but it has some percentage of milk fat in it uncountably times more than than the zero I was promised when I selected skim. Did you think I could not know?
Maybe you are one of these activists. You think 2% is better and the skim drinkers of the world who are depriving themselves of the 2% in an attempt to achieve nourishment without corresponding calories need a little dash of milk fat in their lives. That if they are exposed to the product they will like it so much they will switch, and it will somehow vindicate your feelings that what you like is the correct thing to like and everyone should like what you like. Probably, you are smugly thinking, "You're welcome."
Well, I did not say thank you. I am not saying thank you now. I am demanding your job be sacrificed. What if I were one of the children with an allergy to milk fat but without the discerning eye I possess? What then? How many children are hospitalized, and dead because of your malfeasance? Probably unemployment is insufficient punishment. Probably some kind of trip to the dark corners of Dick Cheney's mind is justified.
You did not get away with it like some bitter waiter who puts alcohol in the drinks of customers who insist on virgin ones because they are sobered alcoholics and they know that is the secret phrase to get alcohol without the judgmental visages of their friends and as long as they keep silent they can pretend like their sense of taste is so dull that they don't even know, even though that sweet nectar is a blessed release and they show you the gratitude you require with an overgenerous tip which you crumple in your sweaty palm, while muttering, "You're welcome."
You did not get away with it like the same bitter waiter who leaves hidden meat in the dishes of customers who insist on them without because they are pompous vegetarians and love to believe that their chosen path, for religious reasons, or otherwise somehow makes sense in the evolutionary path of mankind all the while believing it somehow makes them a better person, lauding it over their less enlightened friends, insisting that there is nothing, no taste at all missing from their lives, because their dish is just exceptional, perfect even without the meat that is actually there, and they don't tip well, because after all they are sanctimonious vegetarians, and they think their smile and some zen koan of appeasement is of much more value but you know better because you've taught them a lesson they will never learn, but was really nothing more than as before, complete inaction on your part, passing on the very least information possible to fulfill the order.
You are just a lazy fool, which is why you have the job that you do and can never even aspire to something better.
And now with this letter, your employer will more than likely remove even this humble task from your possible aspirations, leaving you nothing, which is what you have made of the raw materials given unto you that we call life.
Good day.
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