My Birthday
Oh, dear. My birthday. I think that should be Birthday with a capital "B." Its a little known fact that Labor day does not actually celebrate workers, many of whom have to continue working anyway, but celebrates the day my mother went into labor and birthed me, not that it was any labor for her at all, but truly the most special day of her life. Of course, it never happens on my actual birthday. That would be silly. Its one of those special holidays: on a Monday. And if you think about it, every holiday should be on a Monday. I mean, who votes for less working Mondays? Well, really your votes don't count, so it doesn't matter, but the logic of my argument as is commonly known, is indisputable.
So, when you are preparing your gifts for me next year, remember that day off you enjoy on my behalf and be generous. I think its in the lowest taste to criticize gifts, so I'll just criticize the gift-givers. Frankly, you left much to be desired this year. It may be that thousands of years from now around this time of year, little children will prepare for and perform elaborate pageants featuring characters that had the pleasure to pass through my life, and it may be that their gifts to me will be immortalized in these children's minds even if they do not know the gift givers names. Some will consider them to be Kings, and some simply learned Astrologers of the highest order. No doubt they will attempt to identify some celestial event that coincides with the event, but the main point is that the only thing these children are likely to learn and remember about the whole thing--since of course much of their education will focus on my actual life and lets face it, if the current trend in test scores continues thousands of years from now, the human race will be fortunate if its children know anything--are the gifts. Now do you want to be remembered for--and it is likely to be the only thing you will be remembered for, although only by the fact that I was involved--gifting me myrrh, frankincense, or gold?
That's what I thought. Didn't I say indisputable? I did.
So, when you are preparing your gifts for me next year, remember that day off you enjoy on my behalf and be generous. I think its in the lowest taste to criticize gifts, so I'll just criticize the gift-givers. Frankly, you left much to be desired this year. It may be that thousands of years from now around this time of year, little children will prepare for and perform elaborate pageants featuring characters that had the pleasure to pass through my life, and it may be that their gifts to me will be immortalized in these children's minds even if they do not know the gift givers names. Some will consider them to be Kings, and some simply learned Astrologers of the highest order. No doubt they will attempt to identify some celestial event that coincides with the event, but the main point is that the only thing these children are likely to learn and remember about the whole thing--since of course much of their education will focus on my actual life and lets face it, if the current trend in test scores continues thousands of years from now, the human race will be fortunate if its children know anything--are the gifts. Now do you want to be remembered for--and it is likely to be the only thing you will be remembered for, although only by the fact that I was involved--gifting me myrrh, frankincense, or gold?
That's what I thought. Didn't I say indisputable? I did.
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