Dead

The main reason I'm so put upon is that the general manager died. I think I may have mentioned to some of you in private that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Its the type of thing that's very sad. And she went just like that. Of course, I knew from the instant I heard. I looked into her face, and I tried to show compassion, but deep inside I knew she was a goner.

I think that's the first time I've ever looking into someone's face and thought, 'very soon you'll be no more' and known it to be true. I mean, I've known people who have died, but never anyone who has had the knowledge that their death was imminent. I don't even know if she knew. I mean she knew if the doctors she visited were in anyway honest with her, which it sounds like they were, although I wonder what its like to tell someone that she is going to die. It seems like each patient might require a different tact to get the message across.

When I last saw her, she seemed positive which I guess is really one's only choice. I learned that her sons were with her at her side as she died. They spoke at the funeral, and they spoke about speaking to her in those last moments, that they were told the sense of hearing was one of the last thing to go, so they talk as much as possible. I wondered then if that was true, or if that was just something hospice says, more for the families than for the dying.

I don't want anyone near me when I die. That way, the good Lord won't have any unworthy witness excuses for not assuming me into heaven. Or maybe just pulling some trick granting me eternal life here on earth with my youthful features. Either way, I think We have an understanding.